Mr. T: 
Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.
Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T actually beat Rocky in Rocky III. In fact he killed Slyvester Stallone with his first punch. And wore his skin to make Rocky IV.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
You can lead Mr. T to water, but chances are that you will die there.
Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.
Chuck Norris:
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Filming on location forWalker
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired inFrance
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Vin Diesel:
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is A LOAD OF CRAP!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Acrtic researchers.
Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Although it was never shown in the movie, Godzilla didn't beat Mechagodzilla...Vin Diesel did.
Vin Diesel's shadow can actually kick people's butts.
Rumor has it that this site was originally created with random facts about Sean Connery, but Vin Diesel hacked into the site and switched each name with his own.
He refuses to eat mushrooms because they are like brothers to him. If you eat a mushroom in his presence he will stare coldly at you all night.
Vin Diesel recently added 'moose' to his "Animals That Tried to Fight Me and Lost" list.
***some of these were changed a little cause of the words***
I'm pretty much peeing my pants laughing right now!
:-)
Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.
Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T actually beat Rocky in Rocky III. In fact he killed Slyvester Stallone with his first punch. And wore his skin to make Rocky IV.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
You can lead Mr. T to water, but chances are that you will die there.
Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.
Chuck Norris:
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Filming on location for
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Vin Diesel:
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is A LOAD OF CRAP!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Acrtic researchers.
Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Although it was never shown in the movie, Godzilla didn't beat Mechagodzilla...Vin Diesel did.
Vin Diesel's shadow can actually kick people's butts.
Rumor has it that this site was originally created with random facts about Sean Connery, but Vin Diesel hacked into the site and switched each name with his own.
He refuses to eat mushrooms because they are like brothers to him. If you eat a mushroom in his presence he will stare coldly at you all night.
Vin Diesel recently added 'moose' to his "Animals That Tried to Fight Me and Lost" list.
***some of these were changed a little cause of the words***
I'm pretty much peeing my pants laughing right now!
:-)
God Bless
Samantha
5 Comments:
i know
those ones are the best
that's all i ever do to YOU krystal!!!!!!!!!
tom cruise is flipp'in awesome!!!!!!
he's in War of the Worlds!!!!!
whoa
ha mr.t thats awesome...sorta...and vin diesel..ahaha he pushs the earth down thats awesome.........
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